Gender roles and emotion

HEATHER MAHER

Callous, harsh, and inflexible: While I strive not to display these less than favorable attributes to those I respect, these attributes have on occasion proven to be beneficial. In the male-dominated industries and sports I find myself working within, the ability to withhold emotions, has always propelled me forward.

The societal glorification of men deemed stead-fast and withdrawn from softer emotions negatively impacts male relationships, as well as the way women relate and react to men.

How do the expectations of gender influence the dynamic of relationships? As a child, my brother was sometimes spanked for crying when he lost a basketball game, while I was never punished for crying when I lost a dance competition. What message does that send?

As I matured and developed intimate relationships with men, I sometimes doubted the legitimacy of the feelings they expressed. I hurt men I loved because I could not understand why they expressed anger as tears instead of throwing a punch. Society taught me that men were supposed to be tough. Accepting anything else was foreign. I had to unlearn what was programmed.

Even within platonic same-gender friendships, we are capable of restricting expressions of feelings because of the expectations within gender roles. In the stereotypical girl culture I have experienced, it is common to question another woman’s lack of outward emotional response involving a death or break up. Women are expected to be tearful in sad situations and show no anger. Failure to live up to this stereotype deems you less of a woman. Within male friendships, being tender and loving toward another male as an expression of camaraderie is often rejected and labeled as weak.

But denying each other full emotional experiences weakens our relationships. Humans are dynamic, and embracing all that a person feels is crucial to our development.

Breaking down restrictions on emotions is hard. Personal situations and upbringings aside, being aware of how gender roles have influenced expression is one step forward. For men, it is important to realize that a woman expressing anger and passion is as valid as her expressions of sadness or happiness. Keeping in mind that she has likely been taught to not express anger and if she does, it is wrong.

As a fiery woman, my male counterparts often dismiss my intense expression involving issues I care about. That being said, failure to acknowledge that softer emotions in men are not indicators of weakness is just as detrimental. These actions perpetuate gender-based emotional restriction.